Pre-blog post.

I'm just about to hunker down and write my blog for World Bipolar Day. Prosecco is flowing and pizza is on it's way. It's just me and my cat. 
Before I proceed with that though I just wanted to put something else out there.
I realise lately I have been a pretty shit friend, ally, advocate and audience member. Please don't tell me I haven't been because I know that I have. I try not to be but I know in my heart that I have not made as much effort as I could have.
I have been pretty fucked up psychologically for the best part of two and a half years now. I have posted about it recently and don't wish to talk about the reasons more right now.
Anyone who knows me well will know that I am not a flaky individual. They will also know that my word is my bond. I am also not the type of person who will use their mental health as an excuse to justify shitty behaviour.
That being said, I have received text messages that have gone unanswered. I have been invited to special events in friends lives that I have dodged at the last possible minute. I have bought tickets for shows that I didn't attend. I have responded "going" to events that I subsequently didn't attend. I have even walked out of a show just as it was starting.
I know how truly blessed I am to have such wonderful human beings in my life. I have an array of friends that I had never even dreamed of. Those of you who have spent time in my company may know how passionate I can be about things that I love. My friends are right up there in the things I am most passionate about.
For those of you I have let down (and I know there are some), from the bottom of my heart I am truly sorry. Please don't stop inviting me to your events. I want to support you, be there for you, listen to you. I live for your shows. I admire your tenacity in a sometimes fickle world. 
I will try my best to be a better me. Right now, I'm not the best me I can be. Not even half way. I am working on it though. Before I can get back to being me though I need to work through a lot of things and sometimes everyone/everything else becomes a chore. This is nothing personal.
There are those of you who have checked in with me when I have been missing from events or made vague - probably depressing - status updates, to you I say thank you. Thank you for noticing. Thank you for giving a shit. Thank you for saving a life.
To every single one of you, thank you for investing in me.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thanks for your comment!!